Pain, suffering, and misery. These are feelings we have all experienced, especially those of us who spent years caught up in our addiction. I will never forget those terrible feelings of despair, those feelings of pure misery and self-hate that had become my life in addiction. Every day was more painful than the last. The more I denied it, the more I tried to numb myself to it with the drugs, the worse it got. I was caught in a cycle of misery where I hated myself for using, then I would use because I hated myself. I had no other tools for dealing with the pain I had allowed into my life, I didn’t understand and I damn sure didn’t want to face it, so I was constantly on the run from it.
Eventually it got to the point where the only escape from the pain I could see was death and I started wishing the drugs would just kill me and end my suffering. Then something amazing happened, all that pain finally started to outweigh my fear of change and I decided to reach out for help and thus begin my journey through recovery.
At first it wasn’t easy. I was so caught up in regret. I didn’t understand why I had to suffer the way I did. I would dwell on all that past pain and think of all the ways I could have done things differently, but I didn’t give up. I kept diving deeper into my recovery learning more and more every day until eventually I started to realize the purpose of all my pain and suffering.
You see, God doesn’t waste a hurt and if you let him, he will allow you to see that your suffering was not all in vain. Turns out all the misery was the driving force that motivated me into action, it broke down my ego and helped shape me into the person I am today.
Now, in my recovery my pain has found an all new purpose. It has helped me build a testimony that shows the true power of recovery. If I can make it through everything I put myself and others through in my addiction and come out a better person because of it, then anyone who is willing to put in the work can accomplish the same thing.
Today, I can honestly say I am grateful for all the pain and misery I went through because I know without it, I would have never been able to truly find myself and my purpose in life. No matter how bad things got or how low we felt, through the recovery community and faith in God we can overcome and find true joy in our lives. We all deserve to find that place of happiness and peace and I am here to tell you recovery and God are guaranteed ways to achieve this goal if we are willing to put in the work.
No longer will we have to hide behind those masks, or feel like we are not enough, or not worth it. You are not your mistakes; your past doesn’t define you and doesn’t have to define your future. You are amazing, you are worth it, and you can do it!!!!!!
Written by Ethan B.